A purpose for me

 

Sometimes those crazy things people say when they are trying to encourage someone are true.

When you hit rock bottom the only way to go is up.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Things like that.

Today I wrote a lot of words about the end. I thought about how my Dad gave up when he was just my age and ended up in a nursing home until he died a couple years later. I saw myself as incapable, undesirable, unwanted, unnecessary. It was a bad day. A very bad day.And then at 4:01 pm I got a call that changed everything. 

It is the first call I've had to interview for a paying job in nearly 25 years. No one else ever even called, so I volunteered. I volunteered in a museum leading kid's birthday parties and giving tours. I volunteered in a kindergarten class working with small groups reading. I volunteered in an elementary school library. 

Before all this volunteering I was a preschool teacher and Sunday school teacher. I even worked in a flower shop and an office, but most of my life I have been a mother and a teacher of young children. I'm good at that, so if this interview works out it will be the best of all worlds.

I will have enough money to pay the bills and I will have a purpose that I truly believe in. 

I am at a place in my life where my job could be a surrogate family. I am ready, willing and able to give these children the love and guidance they need while their parents are working. In fact, I am excited about doing this.