In the dark

I have been having the same dream in different forms for three nights now. I find myself abandoned with my youngest son (Who is a baby in the first dream and a man in the other two) and I am exhausted. I try to find a place to sleep, but there is no place to rest. We are in different places in each dream and always think of possibilities that don't work out in the end.

They are long frustrating exhausting dreams that end when I wake up even tireder than when I went to bed.

Tonight I don't even want to go to bed anymore. In fact, all day I found nothing of interest in my world except a postcard from Bestest. I just walked forty minutes in the dark. It was the second best thing I did today.

I'm not sure what is going on. Possibly I just spent too much time with other people during the past few weeks and forgot how to entertain myself? Maybe it is because I changed the decor in my apartment. Maybe things will be better because I can open the windows tonight and sleep in real air for a change.

I am reading a heavy, although not depressing book and I have watched some heavy movies, so tonight I watched an Italian comedy and I'm looking for something else to read.

Still, I am not looking forward to laying down in the dark.