Dabbler

Is it wrong to take pleasure in my own accomplishments? Or is that simply a cop out excuse for not turning any of them into money making schemes? Lord knows I need money right now, but selling my soul to get it feels wrong.

Maybe I just realize I'm not that good at anything, so this is only an excuse to keep me from feeling like a failure. I'm a dabbler. I dabble at writing and painting, playing the piano and so many other things. I'm just good enough to share things with close friends and just rough enough not to make a living with any of it.

I love hearing what people like and I love giving my things away. 

That feels very right.

I do what I do out of love. Love for the art that comes through my soul into my hands. I love giving it to people who appreciate and want it. That makes me feel good, so it is very selfish in many ways. And there are things I love too much to give away for various reasons. 

When I was young I dreamed of becoming a great concert pianist, a famous writer, an acclaimed artist, then I met my ex-husband and he toned those dreams down to dollars and cents. He said it made no sense to do them if I didn't do anything with them. Those words eventually made me think I should stop doing them and about five years ago I did just that.

I gave away my good keyboard. I gave away my flute. I gave away my oil paints and brushes and my beloved art box. I almost stopped writing. But I have friends and Bestest bought me another keyboard then he bought me acrylic paints and canvases and he wrote stories with me. He did everything he could to reawaken this dying soul.

Most of it just fizzled out.

Until I met my Muse. 

It was like the princes in fairy tales who awaken their sleeping beauties with a kiss. My Muse didn't actually kiss me, but he touched my soul with his own creativity, woke me up and made me want to live again.

I am a dabbler. That's who I am, but it feels so good to be dabbling again.