Attached

For some people I am living the dream and once I might have even been living a big part of my own dream, but after experiencing the feeling of true joy for several months; I became quite attached to it.

It may have been on false premises, but that joyful feeling was true all the same, so I guess I am luckier than many people who never know such feelings at all.

Sometimes now I find myself playing my keyboard as if it were that baby grand piano I grew up on. In those moments my soul takes over and I forget everything except the joy I feel making music. My mind and body both work in tandem to carry me away.  That is a gift from the universe to me.

Other times I find myself playing a song so sad that I just want to drown in the music and never come back up. That can be cathartic, but mostly it just leaves me drained.

I am painting again and that too is a gift for me. I paint the places I wish I could be when I am trapped in a body here in the Heartland. So sometimes I find myself actually needing to paint, wanting to paint, dying to paint a new reality that is more satisfying than the now.

I can feel the richness of life. It flows through me in the dreams and desires that have always been here, but now I sometimes feel trapped by circumstances beyond my control. This is frustrating. Once I knew if I wanted something badly enough to work for it, it would probably be mine.

Now I'm not so sure.