Family feasts

Family gatherings are the place to be if you want to gather information, because nobody is more willing to give it to you than family.

You sit in a room overflowing with those very people who gave you life (and sometimes seemed intent on taking it away) while listening to all those little conversations going on around you.

It can be hard to tell exactly what is going down because part of what you hear is just feather preening. There is no one in the world we need to impress more than those people who already love us.

Cousin Annie flits around the room taking selfies, in a chair, by the window, with each person there, smiling, frowning, eating cake, petting the dogs. Auntie Bertrasm floats around behind her taking pictures of her taking pictures as she tries to capture every moment for all eternity (or at least tomorrow's Facebook.) Junior quietly eats his way through three pieces of cake, two bags of chips and half a gallon of ice cream with chocolate syrup. Heloise changes clothes every quarter hour on the dot and redoes her make up to match. Uncle Malcom shows off his comic book collection via his android until Millie drops the ball (or phone) while passing it back to him.

The dogs are quiet opportunists, cleaning up under all the chairs whenever they cease to be the center of attention and Grandpa lurks in the corners smiling with both arms crossed over his chest like a member of the royal guard.

Everyone is happy, proud, force fed and loud. In fact, the one sure fire way to know the day was a success is the total lack of edible stuff left in the house as all the hoarse people finally drift away, promising to keep in touch and see each other soon.

(Note: the names, and sometimes genders, have been changed to protect the guilty.)