The Vagaries of Other People

I often wonder why it is that some people have so much and others so little. It would be easy to say that it is because one works, harder, or is more frugal, or more deserving, and that is true to a great extent, but it isn't always so. In my own life things ebb and flow, often depending on nothing more than the vagaries of some other person's thoughts, or actions.

Of course I make myself vulnerable to those things by how attached I am to these people, but life is about people. They are the biggest challenge and the greatest blessing and learning how to live with and around them becomes the art that defines my life. For some reason this kind of art reminds me of Vermeer, rich and deep, a study on people, not Monet whose work I love, but is more like my thoughts than my life, or Van Gogh and Picasso who touch on my feelings. This art of living my life is a complex thing that even I do not really understand.

My way of living seems to flow through and around me as if I am an isle lost on the edge of vast tributaries. Easily touched, and I mean to the core, by everything around me, I find myself fighting to respond and not simply react to the barrage of life's experiences. Yet, there is a warmth emanating from my center that is definitely me. You can see it in my eyes and my smile. It may slide out and engulf you in love, or pour down upon you like a thunderstorm from hell, but it is all legitimately me.

I am intense. It is who I am, so I am constantly full -- of feelings, thoughts and needs that paint the picture of my life. I don't know why I have so much, but I am grateful and I sort of expect it. I try to envision the best and often use the phrase, "this, or something better, will manifest in my life."

It doesn't always happen, but it's not a bad way to live.