Choose Your Battles

It's always something. If I'm healthy and feeling good, finances may be tough. If the money is working out, I may be feeling lonely, or a little off. If I'm happy, or content, the body betrays me in some way.

Life goes on and whether it's onward and upward as a friend suggests, or down the garden path mostly depends on my attitude. I don't have to be a Pollyanna to be happy. In fact, happy is kind of an extreme. Content works for me most of the time.

I have a child like ability to recover quickly from most disappointments and problems, at least those that concern only myself. Those that affect others are more difficult for me. It is inconceivable to me that anyone would want to hurt those they love and yet I see it happening all the time. For me it has always been a given, do what is best for those I love at any expense, especially my own.

It's not that I love sacrifice, or get anything out of suffering. I don't. No matter how important what I do is, if it is painful, I hurt. I don't know if I suffer as much as you do, or the person next to you does. How could I possibly really know how deeply you feel? But I do know how I feel and I feel like I have no choice.

I have to do the best I can for everyone I can and that starts with me. It took me a while to learn that, but it's true. If I don't take care of myself, I cannot really take care of anyone else. My life style is the ultimate spokes person. It shows what I really believe is important, so sometimes I do have to just walk away. It might seem self indulgent, but it's not. It's the starting point, the place where everything else I do begins.

Nothing new in all this. People have been thinking about it and talking about it in a million ways since people began thinking. I'm sure of it. It's the old "choose your battles" thing. The old, "know when to hold em, know when to fold em" thing. No matter how it is expressed, it always boils down to the fact that I can only do so much and knowing when to quit is as important as anything else.

In a culture that values power, quitting is often seen as being a loser. Not quitting when something is over, when all reasonable solutions are exhausted, is just plain foolish. It is ego butting its head against a wall with nothing more to hope for than a sore head.

All this stuff goes along with onward and upward and tripping the light fantastic, and being led down the garden path, and just generally living a content and useful life. Life is not a simple balancing act with right on one side and wrong on the other. It is a million different decisions made by a million different people, the factored possibilities are astounding, but they're not all equal. Wisdom is knowing how to weigh one against the other.