Emptiness

Trying to fill something that is already full results in overflowing and while overflowing can be a wonderful feeling, it is not always that.

Sometimes what overflows is pain, or confusion, then it is necessary to empty the vessel to make room for something new.

And, sometimes, it is necessary to remain empty for a while. Emptiness is not something I particularly enjoy. It is too easy for me to fill it with things like depression, or sadness, or thoughts of insecurity and personal failings. Still, my inability to live empty does not negate the need for its being.

It is only when I am empty that new things begin to settle in, new perspectives, new thoughts, new ways of acting and thinking and being. The possibilities are amazing and they have nothing to do with my age, or limitations. They have more to do with my ability to let go of old habits and belief systems, things that hold me back, that keep me from discovering more of my own abilities.

It is easier to embrace busy-ness, because that eliminates the need to look deeply into who and where I am. It appears to give me an excuse for staying in a way of life that is not healthy, or truly productive. The users in this world love busy-ness. It is one of the best tools they know of to distract people from the real issues. It's that old, "keep 'em barefoot and pregnant" thing, because if you are tired and cold and your feet hurt, you are less likely to be thinking of what you can do to make this world a better place.

It doesn't take much to start. It is hanging in there that is hard. Doing nothing, living with who I really am, learning to love her and embrace her actual abilities will fill me better than anything I can think of in the long run. Then I will look back and remember the emptiness as cocoon time, a period of growth and rejuvenation.

I need to remember that as night is to day and chaos to peace, so is emptiness to fulfillment, a complicated and wonderful balancing of what is with what will be. And another thing I need to remember is that it is an ongoing process. Just because I didn't achieve it last time does not mean it won't work this time. In fact the more I fail, the more I need to allow this process to continue.

Failure is not an excuse to quit. It is the reason to keep going, not mindlessly but mindfully -- always striving to fill my mind with the things that are truly correct, with a light as pure as I am able to allow in. Only then can I hope to find true fulfillment.