Hugh Hefner And Strawberries

I am in my new apartment and starting to feel settled in already. The past few months have been a whirlwind of experiences and looking back I realize that many people might have found them to be very negative ones in most respects, but they actually didn't feel that way. There were definitely negative moments, very negative ones, but each one ended up leading me into something better than before.

I suspect I have always gone into transitions kicking and screaming, from the day I was born until now. There is something about me that says the status quo is worth fighting for, even when experiences point otherwise. I think that is necessary. Without it I might truly be a nomad in a world that does not really accept wanderers very well.

I've been having some pretty intense nightmares and last night, the first one in my own bed here at the apartment, that stopped. I dreamed I saw a bright red airplane with curved wings doing acrobatic demonstrations over my house. I took pictures of it and then took those pictures to show them to Hugh. Yes, I was living in the playboy mansion! (Not something I ever dreamed about in any way before now.) Hugh wasn't impressed with my pictures, but he did notice that I was carefully arranging seed in a small dish for some birds in an oriental cage and he asked if I knew about feeding birds? I told him no and he said he was going to ask me to take care of all the birds, but maybe I shouldn't. Besides, he and I were going out, so I wouldn't really have time! Later I had another dream that I was sitting in a row with a bunch of people eating off of trays. A man farther down the row had a very simple, very elegant tray, but his crystal bowl of strawberry preserves had tipped over and spilled onto his omelet. Although neither one of these dreams resonate with anything I am doing, or thinking about literally, I think they both point to the fact that for all my poverty and lack of "things," I am feeling very rich.

Moving away from here, I gave up all my adult history. I gave up my identity and allowed myself to be who I thought I was instead of who I had worked all my life being. It's nice to be back in familiar territory now. I was reading about a study to find the happiest countries in the world and some of the criteria they judged people on were things like whether they felt well-rested, respected, free of pain and intellectually engaged.

I can feel myself heading that way, in fact I'm two thirds there already.