Consciousness has been an intentional part of my life for many years now. I would say that I am usually very aware of who I am and what I am doing, so imagine the surprise I had this evening as I sat in the living room with my sister watching Dr. Zhivago.
Three weeks ago today, Saturday, I realized I would be moving back to Illinois. I remember calling my sister and packing up the car. I sort of remember making decisions about which things I could bring in my car. I definitely remember the first three hours of driving back here, probably because I talked about that part of the trip so much, but that is where things get a little fuzzy.
Tonight I realized that I drove thirteen hours with no radio, no Cd's, stopping only to buy food once in the morning, to puddle the puppy every couple of hours and buy gas once. Thirteen hours of silence, most of which I have very little memory of.
Since I have arrived, I have felt driven to restore all my Illinois financial connections, insurance, car title and driver's license. I have frenetically cleared out my room here and collected the pieces I will use in it, as well as buying a mattress. I have done my best to acclimate Chauncey to the new place where his bowls are and tried to make him feel at home and my sister has done the same for me.
But tonight, as I sat in the living room, ensconced in the chair next to my sister's, I thought, "I am a gypsy." I have gone from a five bedroom home with everything, to my condo, to a farm house in the heartland, to the mountains of North Carolina during the last ten years and right now I own practically nothing and live in someone else's house!
I think I am in shock. Perhaps I am just coming out of the shock, but the world feels a little surreal tonight.
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