A Craving

As long as I can remember there have been days like this. Days when there is that particular smell in the air, particular feel to the atmosphere. I cannot describe it. I can only describe the way it touches me.

I remember being three years old and thinking it was the feeling that grown-ups have when something very special is about to happen. I remember it as a young child when I looked out the window on a snowy day and thought how wonderful it was to be safe and cozy in my grandmother's big house looking out a window and that some day something wonderful was going to happen on a day like this one.

I remember feeling it in college right after dinner, when the sun has that extra warm and brilliant look. I thought it was how I would feel when I was married and spending time like this with my husband and children.

I have had it on rainy days like this one when I imagine what it will be like to curl up in a comfy place and read a really good book.

I had it this morning as I sat here thinking I have already written my thots, but I would love to be writing them right now.

It suddenly occurred to me that this feeling is the promise of a life fulfilled and fulfilling, the love of what is and was and will be and I have been blessed to have recognized it since day one. I just didn't know what it was. It's like smelling fresh hot bread right out of the oven for the very first time. It brings up pictures and feelings on every level. It's like waking up in a big bed when you are three years old and contemplating those smooth pink toes that belong to just you. It's a hunger for the moment that is so huge it can't be assuaged.

I have always had it.