Stressors

Modern medicine is marvelous in so many ways. I would not have survived my infancy without it, but much of it is still a guessing game. I give the doctor the symptoms. The doctor tries to think of what might alter these symptoms. If I am accurate and he is a good guesser, which he is educated to be, then we are part way there. Next comes deciding which pharmaceutics to use. The companies put out a lot of advertising and there is a lot of hype that is not necessarily helpful. Who wants to take something that can cause, nosebleeds, suicidal thoughts, aches, pains, nausea and an assortment of other things that may be worse than the ailment in the first place?

As my sister says, if there is something that can make her feel better, give it to her, because she finds no redeeming qualities in suffering for the sake of suffering. She does fine with most things. I do not. I once took an antibiotic that caused such violent purging from both ends that I would almost rather die than repeat the experience and I have had many others that caused less violent, but equally awful results. I cannot even take Ibuprofen.

So, when my doctor prescribed a very small dose of a drug that seemed to alleviate the dark cloud that has hovered over my head for longer than I can remember, I was very happy. Before settling on this one, I tried several others that caused very bad side effects, but not this one -- I thought. I felt lighter. Life seemed brighter, but the insidious things crept up so slowly I didn't realize they were here, or I blamed my life style and myself for them.

Who would think that something that made me feel so much better was also the culprit for the extra weight, or the skin problems, or the numbness that sometimes allowed me to sit for hours without noticing? Most feelings became distant, except when I was in a sort of euphoric overload that I attributed to my soul work. Now, after nearly three years, I am weaning off of this drug and it is harder than I thought it would be. I have been completely off of it for one week now.

The good news is that I am starting to experience feelings I thought I was too old to care about and they are nice! The not so good news is that I am also experiencing occasional sweating, and a tightening of the muscles inside my abdominal wall sometimes, that is very painful and I sometimes feel very dizzy or off balance, like my brain is loose in my head when I stand up, or bend over. Twice I have felt extraordinarily aggravated, but that may just be reality. Gabrielle does not want to potty train. Before, I just sort of thought, oh well... Supposedly all this will go away after two weeks or so. I hope so. I had no idea that a prescription drug could cause these problems and it doesn't for a majority of the people. (Or perhaps those people just haven't noticed yet, because I didn't notice a lot while I was on it.)

So, my thots are a bit discombobulated right now. Sometimes they are maudlin and other times they are ferocious. I am hoping neither will turn out to be the real me in a few weeks. My life is good. There should be no real stressors, except for money, it's time to try again.