In A Moment

I do not always live in this moment, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes there is a future looming ahead that calls me into a place which does not yet exist, to a situation that is not occurring. Impossible? It should be, yet I find myself living here more often than I care to admit.

Living in a moment whose time and place cannot be touched by me is time travel in its worst form. I have nothing to gain from this moment that has yet to arrive, by coming early. The conversations are all one sided. The situations are merely ego trips built upon my supposed knowledge of everyone and everything who might, or might not, be here.

The problems leading up to it have yet to occur. The problems occurring during it may never occur. The situation carries less weight than sun dogs on a misty afternoon.

Knowing this is true, how can I allow myself to leap out of precious moments with my grandchild, into this imaginary place? How could I possibly give up these perfect moments of present reality for something that is both unpleasant and not even real?

I know, from personal experience, that if there is a need for worry and work, the future seldom denies me a chance at the real thing. Of course, there really never is a need for worry. It is only a word that means I am fooling myself into believing I am doing something, when I am not. And the work? I have never had a plate wash itself before I could get to it and the carpeting never denies me the chance to vacuum. Nothing to be concerned about there either.

And so, I spend my life jumping back and forth between what I believe and all my old habits.