Today is my birthday. It is not a milestone, except that I made it this far, but I am celebrating by re-connecting. My life has been very segmented. I have moved often and I have changed directions several times.
Some of my friends, I was going to write past friends, but I don't want to think that way anymore, would be surprised by the others. Others are not easily surprised by anything. In the past I have tended to yield whatever it is I am changing from to the past where we slowly drift apart. I don't want to do that anymore.
I figure if I can reconnect with someone I met in kindergarten and he remembers me then everything in between here and there cannot be too scary. You see that is what I think has kept me from doing this sooner. Fear. Fear of rejection, or scorn, or not being good enough. Maybe that is the milestone for this year. I am more accepting of who I am and less afraid it will not be enough.
I have room for lots of friends and if I am still interested, perhaps they are too. We, all of us, have done a lot of living and growing during the years and it is fun to share these things. Tonight I heard from a friend who is now living in Fiji and about to be married!
The idea of friendship has been complicated for me in the past. I have heard so many people I trust and respect voice their ideas on it. I have heard that friends can be lovers, but lovers can never be friends again. I have heard lots of things I don't believe anymore. I received the above quote in an email from a dear friend today and it made me really stop and think. First of all I really like C.S. Lewis' writing and secondly, he experienced a love that was romantic and sweet and terribly tragic. He knew what he was talking about.
So now my gift to me is to search out these ultimate experiences in my own life, to be as connected and loving as I want to be and am allowed to be.
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