Training

 

It is one thing to try and set boundaries with people who have no ability to keep them, or maybe even understand them.

It is another thing to teach myself how to deal with issues I cannot avoid unless I completely push a family member and all her family out of my life.

I am proud to say that yesterday I think I dealt with it in a productive way that seemed to work without eliciting any screaming, foul language, or hysterics. Twice!

Once I simply said, "Well, that is a lot of bad news I wouldn't have to know about if you hadn't told me."

The other time I stopped her right at the beginning and said, "I don't think we can talk about the Black Widow. I know she is your best friend and that is okay, but I just do not like her at all."

Neither of these comments made her happy, but she seemed to get the gist of both. Then I was able to turn the conversation to other topics and we moved on.

I am keeping her at arm's length, but trying to let her incorporate herself into my life because she wants to.

I think she is starting to realize that the things I say are helpful to her. I can help with her phone and computer which seem to be exceedingly hard for her to use.

So, I give up trying to train her and start to retrain myself.