Lessons

 

Everything is a lesson.

If I don't get it the first time around, fate suggests that I will be given endless opportunities to learn. It is probably true that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, but some lessons can be fatal. 

Then, no more chances.

But I learned a new lesson a few days ago. There are more ways to deal with a problem, Horatio, than I had previously dreamed of!

Dealing with my sister's persistent and vicious habits often leaves me with my heart pounding, my ears ringing and sweat pouring from all my pores. It is a pure and simple response to trauma that she doesn't seem to understand or care about. 

Whatever it is that makes her incapable of honoring the boundaries I've asked for (Stop flooding me with all your horrible negative stories about everyone you know and everything you see, or experience, or think) it leaves me incapacitated for hours and sometimes days afterwards. She doesn't understand the difference between simple communication and bad news stories. She claims there is nothing we can talk about. 

And she is right if everything she has to say involves something dark, ugly, sad, or frustrating. She isn't looking for help, so there is nothing I can do for her. She resents the fact that I don't condone her enabling and complaining. I try to say nothing but eventually my frustration gives way and I do.

I just discovered 532 Hz. It is a sound that helps me let go of her words and abuse. It is the best thing I have found that works. It takes a while, but eventually it blots out all her negativity. Since she is my sister I cannot avoid her all the time, so now I have an alternative way to deal with the fallout.