Key to happiness

 

There is a lot to be said for maturity. 

Not just a time for gray hair and old age, but a time of ripening, of getting to know yourself in profound and meaningful ways, of moving forward with wisdom and grace.

After years of experiences I know a few things about me that never occurred to me as a younger person. I know I tend to be dramatic and over feel things in the moment that really don't matter in the long run. I know that when I'm scared I can be mean. I know that I am capable of loving in the deepest way if I feel safe. I also know I'm lovable.

That last one is honestly a shocker to me, but it may be the key to happiness that has been lost to me until now.

Both my mother and my ex-husband seemed to delight in reminding me of how unlovable I really was. Both also loved me deeply at some points, in their own way, which makes this a particularly strong random reinforcement moment in my development.

For the first time in my life I have met someone who actually makes me believe I am lovable. That has not been a simple thing and neither of us takes it lightly. Where it will go from here is unknown, but I have high hopes that the key to happiness, now in my hands, will be put to good use.