Reasonable

Being a reasonable person is not easy.  Sometimes it goes against every instinct I have.

Growing up around a lot of women, most of whom were fundamentalists and all of whom were staunchly against transgressions of any sort, I was not taught any sort of tolerance for those who hurt someone I loved.

I was taught martyrdom and games and retribution. You were either on "our" side or you were not.  I won't lie, it felt good when I felt wronged.

But I have discovered that much of life is not black and white, not either or, not them or us.

Marriages and relationships bring other people into our families and that attachment, if it really is sacred, cannot be discounted when it becomes inconvenient.

Children do not thrive in most divorces, but staying together for the children only works if there are two adults, two whole families, and a community dedicated to the idea that people can change if the stakes are high enough, the desire great enough.

And we have to remember that most of us are children at heart.  We will act out sometimes, do foolish things sometimes, be immature no matter how old we are, so there has to be forgiveness and a system in place to iron out the wrinkles. Because wrinkles appear when something is washed and dried and all things must be cleaned occasionally.

I like to think I've come a long way in my life, but there is still a long way to go.  Reasonable is still, sometimes, very difficult.