Letting go

I am looking at a bright little cumulus cloud floating in the deep warm golden light of a late spring afternoon.  It is so beautiful it should bring me joy, peace, happiness.  It does not.

Instead I remember the sad things, the bad things, the things that make me mad.

I am angry.

I hate being angry.

It is a dark negative way of living, but the truth is that there are dark negative things in this world.  People who hurt those they love by letting them do things that are harmful.  It is so easy to let others hurt themselves. So much easier than confronting them with the truth, so much easier than trying to change the hurtful behavior and reroute it back into the light.

Instead, these people pretend they care, pretend to be doing the right things, pretend they are so sweet and gentle and loving that they HAVE to allow others to continue on in self destructive ways.  It is only pretending -- even if they are fooling themselves too.

Anything worth calling love is worth working for.  Otherwise it is simply another facade used to navigate this world as easily as possible. And that is selfishness.

I practice letting go.

I know the best way to show anyone anything is to try and be a window to the light, but I can never be a window if I continue to cloak myself in anger.

I breathe out, imagine myself as this cloud.  Imagine floating softly above all the darkness.  Imagine the light flowing through me as I move through the world.

And for moments -- only moments -- it works.

I can only move moment by moment.