By the way

There was a time when I  searched for the quick and easy path.  I wanted the recipe for success, the Cliff notes to nirvana, the road to a rich and full life.  I didn't have time to waste on superfluous things.  I needed to know the exact and most direct way to happiness.

It was like walking uphill in deep snow.  In fact I often dreamed I was doing just that.

Since then I have discovered that the way is not a beautiful smooth concrete highway.  It is more like an ocean in which I, along with everyone and everything else, am submerged.

There are signposts, but they say different things to different people and they are not usually big glaring neon ones.  Subtle and placed in places that draw my attention to what is necessary for me, these little asides from the universe come from inside.

The way is long and the choices almost infinite, but the thing I try to remember is that there are choices and I make them with every breath.  Every step ripples my universe in ways I may never fully know.  Sometimes not knowing may seem like a blessing, but the more I am aware the less likely I am to step into discord and chaos.

Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, "Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment." These words anchored me at a time when one of my children was in a terrible place and they have continued to stay with me ever since.  Their meaning has expanded for me over time.  Like everything along the way they flow in and out of me, glimmering and glinting and sometimes falling into shadow, but they never cease to exist.