It's a long time till the sun rises

Nothing like a long night lying awake and feeling sick.  Not sick enough to be running to the bathroom, but sick enough to not be able to sleep.

The things that sift up through my thoughts are enough to keep me awake all on their own.

Lists of things to do, to write, to work on, to clean.  Lists of things already done I might have done better, or kinder, or even more aggressively.

Ideas not quite good enough to get up and write down so I find myself in a compulsive repetition, trying to be sure I don't forget them.

That's when I realize I am getting sleepy, maybe even starting to doze, and the dreams begin!

Crazy dreams that Julia Child runs a concentration camp for those dressed chickens she was displayed with on Facebook.  Dreams where my family and I live in a large dark cage owned by a red macaw.  Dreams that dredge up the horror I feel about eating the meat I sometimes eat and enjoy.

I am sick and all my defenses are down. 

To sleep perchance to dream  . . .