Everybody Needs A Muse

People are always saying, be yourself!

I can't tell you how many times I've been told that.  The trouble is that I want people to like me and it has been my experience that when they say, "just be yourself," they usually are not saying I will like you no matter who you are.

They only mean that I should be me and they will be them and that is the way they think the world should be and it probably is, but I want them to like me.  No, let's be honest, I want them to love me!

Even people who really will love me, because they sort of have to since I am family, want to change me and they only see the tip of the iceberg!  What if they looked down deep where things are murky and maybe even dark?  I wonder what they would do then?

That is why I am sort of in shock right now.  I look in my mirror and think, "Mmmm, this chunky body may not be so great to look at, but it is very cuddly."  And I even think, "Maybe I'll just let those silvery looking hairs grow in and see how I look au natural!"

It's not that I have had any great awakening.  At least I don't think I have.  It is just that my Muse has been writing to me for a very long time now and continues to tell me, "I'll stand behind you even if you're wrong."  And "You could be a trash can, and I would love it.  I just wanna hug you close and talk your ear off."

Believe me he's been scuba diving down in the depths of my mind for months now and we never run out of things to talk about.  There is something to that that I've never felt before.  Not once has he said, "eweeee," or "why don't you try to be this instead."

I find myself slipping away from that huge frozen wasteland where I was never enough and floating out into the sunshine and open where the freedom is breath taking.  It's been here all along, I just never believed in it before.