Once in a while I doubt my own good intentions.
What follows that is usually a series of rationalizations dreamed up to make myself feel better.
It's possible to convince myself that either side of most arguments are right if I really want them to be.
It doesn't mean that is actually true; only that I can make myself believe it is.
Of course feelings like that are really only chimeras.
My real feelings are much stronger and they will continue to chip away at me until they break through and the truth is revealed.
Whether that comes in an Aha moment, or in a dream, or nightmare, depends on how deeply I have hidden the truth from myself.
I am never forced to consciously recognize these parts of me, but the discomfort of living at odds with myself will become increasingly more uncomfortable.
How I deal with that kind of pain determines the quality of my life and the type of person I am.
It really is up to me whether I want to believe it or not, but I think one of the secrets to dealing with it is to understand that I also have seriously good and beautiful parts that are also lying unnoticed inside of me.
Going on a truly fruitful archaeological dig means taking what I find and trying to look at it as calmly and clearly as I possibly can. Understanding that I am neither angel, nor devil, but a simple human being whose virtues and faults run the same gamut all humanity has had to face since it's first thought.
What follows that is usually a series of rationalizations dreamed up to make myself feel better.
It's possible to convince myself that either side of most arguments are right if I really want them to be.
It doesn't mean that is actually true; only that I can make myself believe it is.
Of course feelings like that are really only chimeras.
My real feelings are much stronger and they will continue to chip away at me until they break through and the truth is revealed.
Whether that comes in an Aha moment, or in a dream, or nightmare, depends on how deeply I have hidden the truth from myself.
I am never forced to consciously recognize these parts of me, but the discomfort of living at odds with myself will become increasingly more uncomfortable.
How I deal with that kind of pain determines the quality of my life and the type of person I am.
It really is up to me whether I want to believe it or not, but I think one of the secrets to dealing with it is to understand that I also have seriously good and beautiful parts that are also lying unnoticed inside of me.
Going on a truly fruitful archaeological dig means taking what I find and trying to look at it as calmly and clearly as I possibly can. Understanding that I am neither angel, nor devil, but a simple human being whose virtues and faults run the same gamut all humanity has had to face since it's first thought.
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