Vulnerable

Sometimes I send an email without asking for any kind of a response, but seriously hoping there will be one. When that doesn't happen, I wonder why.

The first and obvious reason is that the recipient didn't read it yet, or didn't even get it. That is not hard to understand.

The next one is a little harder for me. What if I said something that angered that person and they just chose not to respond. Or, worse, what if they don't feel it is even worth their time to send back a note?

Of course it is always possible that they just haven't had time to respond, or really didn't feel there was anything to respond to?

Whatever happened, I tend to agonize over it if it was someone I was hoping to hear from and I wonder what it is that makes the people most important to me the hardest for me to approach sometimes?

I think it is pride. I am still too proud. I don't want anyone to think I am too needy, or groveling, or being obsequious. It undermines my sense of who I am and makes me feel very vulnerable, but what if it is true? Wouldn't it be better to just say, I need to hear from you? Of course it would, but what if they say, so what? That would be horrible, but would I really die from the pain? Probably not. I would just suffer some hard knocks to my heart and ego.

I guess some people are more than worth that risk, but it is still a hard one for me to take.