Kumbaya

 

I have been taught to always put my best foot forward. 

As a first child my only examples were the grown-ups around me and of course everything they did was much better than I could ever hope to do or be at that early age. I don't remember any explicit directions to do better, but I think my inborn intuition was to succeed.I wanted affirmation that I was okay, doing it right, a good person.

As an adult I often find myself doing something and then stepping back to see if it is done "right." Is there a wrinkle or line out of place? What if I have company and they see this. Will they think I am doing it right? Is it perfect?

Then I have to ask myself if I am doing it for me or them. Why do I make the bed? Why does it have to be perfect? Am I really teaching those I love to do the right things or am I teaching them to be neurotic and obsessive?

As a preschool teacher I sometimes made a "mistake" just to let a student know that was okay. That the world didn't end if I did. 

Having the perfect house, dust free, wrinkle free, in a well designed space should not be the goal unless I am in a contest for house beautiful in some magazine. I need to cut myself some slack and allow the people I love the freedom to be at ease. Let them know that if they are not here I don't necessarily keep every spot of water off the faucet, or speck of dust off the glass.

My daughter-in-law once said, after the birth of their first child, "He thought when you came everything would be kumbaya, perfect." 

That has stuck with me, but it is still a challenge for me not to try to be perfect. Knowing there is a fine line between wanting that and obsession.