Unkind hedges

 

People have learned to say things that don't mean exactly what they mean.

When I was a teenager I asked my Dad what he thought of how I looked. He said, "Healthy." 

When my sister talks about her house she says people say it is, "Homey."

I have always thought these two statements define how we avoid uncomfortable topics.

I wanted my Dad to say I was pretty, or beautiful. He said healthy. I felt plain, un-pretty, not attractive. He reinforced that.

When I look at my sister's living spaces I think cluttered, messy, uncoordinated, not unclean, but unattractive. I don't want to say that, so I go with what others have supposedly told her. Homey.

I wonder if we are really doing anyone a favor by being so evasive? Surely they think about what is said the way I always have. Instead of giving constructive criticism, or helpful knowledge, we hedge. 

That may be much more unkind than we believe.