Authentic

Probably the most difficult thing in the world for most people my age to be, is authentic. 

We were brought up to be polite people pleasers and conflict avoiders. The motto, if there had been one, would have been: Be passive aggressive! In other words, say what the other person wants to hear then quietly sulk or feel angry because it is not what you believe or feel or want.

The problem with that is it avoids conflict in the moment, but builds resentment over time. That resentment is hard to deal with because it involves so many things that it is difficult to really figure out what caused them all. In my family people will then talk about these things whenever they are not around the person they are conflicted with. Thus, paranoia can be rampant! And justified! It's not your imagination, it's a fact.

Learning to be authentic, to say what you really mean and not offend others isn't always possible. There are people who just have to have it their way or they are upset, but if they can be a bit open minded, there is plenty of room in this world for different opinions and ideas and ways of being and it's kind of nice to know where you stand and where the person you are with stands. You can then practice negotiation, or sharing, or taking turns. All kinds of positive things.

Being authentic doesn't have to be rude. It can actually build much closer relationships.