Whose fault is it

There are people who appear to have an inordinate share of bad luck, but if you look closely it turns out they make many poor decisions.

Trying to please other people might feel good sometimes, but in the long run it won't make you happy.

For example I know a woman who really wanted her oldest daughter to be around more. The girl was off at an out of state college. She had a boyfriend and a job and no car, but the woman tried to reorganize every event around the dates this child might come home. And when she didn't come home there was a mad scramble to change everything at the last minute.

This same woman really enjoyed having her boy friend's teenage son around and also changed her plans to try and include him in everything even when he showed little interest in it.

She had a mother and another daughter who tried to plan things for her and with her, but were constantly relegated to the sidelines.  If it was possible the older daughter, or the boy would be there, these two would be quickly pushed aside.

The woman also idolized her boy friend's mother. She tried to include her in her life too, but the mother was already busy and didn't really have much interest in doing anything more. She was kind, brought the woman small gifts when she traveled and included her in their family outings. She did not really want to participate in anything else, but like the teenage boy and older daughter, the woman kept trying to force the issue and include her.

In the end the woman found herself eating at bad restaurants at odd hours with two people (her own mother and younger daughter) she didn't particularly care about, but who were willing to go wherever she decided to go,  paid for her meals and brought her presents. Her holidays were depressing and she felt it was her mother and daughter's fault, never realizing she was always the one in control and making all the choices.