Triggers

I am happily divorced and have been for over twenty years, but last night's dinner party triggered all sorts of things.

First of all it was my daughter's housewarming dinner where both sides of the family came to meet and be together. My ex-husband was not there because he lives in a distant state. It should have been a simply wonderful night and it was for the most part.

There were the typical personal quirks that we've all learned to deal with - with a sense of humor if nothing else. Like my daughter's absolute complete and total adoration of one of her daughters who made it home from college. Instead of making room for her at the table when she arrived, my daughter leaped up and gave her her seat. Everyone offered to scoot over, or move or do something until I finally said, "That's okay, Becky will just stand by Brooke." Everyone laughed.

But it was true. That is exactly what she did!

The hard part for me was that I was seated by a couple from my past. I used to play pool on the team he and my husband played on for years. I was the handicap! It brought back a lot of memories of those times. The pool playing was fun. Many other things were not.

Then on top of that, both the man and his wife grew up in the same town I did. They went to one of the junior highs that I attended and both of them graduated from the high school I would have graduated from if my parents had not moved to a small town just before my senior year.

Up front they appeared to be everything I thought I wanted both back then and now. Although I am actually quite happy the way I am, last night I had nightmares all night long. Old nightmares about old problems that no longer exist, but they felt real in the way of nightmares.