Eat, sleep, play

I am a reader, a writer, a former teacher, mother, wife, volunteer and often find myself asking why am I here? It is not that I am suffering from any great identity crisis. It is simply that sometimes I wonder if there might be a bigger picture that I am missing out on where I might be more useful.

Sometimes I envy those peasants whose hovels surrounded the castle. Their purpose in life was to survive! They knew why they did what they did. Of course I don't really envy any of that. Their lives were horrible, sad, painful, etc.

Then there are the people in the castle, the upper crust, whose job appears to be looking good, looking happy, displaying their accomplishments in decorative endeavors. They have more time to indulge in extra curricular activities and that seems to be the point of their existence.

And in between the suffering and showing off are the people who make a difference. At it's highest form the noblesse oblige, martyrs, saints, and social reformers, but also those people who make small personal contributions during their every day lives.

I don't have the energy, or perhaps even the desire, to be a great reformer or saint. I don't have the courage to be a martyr. I don't have the money to be like Carnegie or Gates. But I think I do have some of what it takes to make the world slightly better in small ways.

And that is when I find myself wondering, why am I here? Is there a point where I will have fulfilled my quota of usefulness? What happens then? Or, is there a guilt trip waiting down the road where I find the great aha and realize I should have done this or that?

Or maybe it is all gratuitous.  I should just eat, sleep, play.