Coping

I have lived in a world mostly populated by women.  My grandmother was widowed when I was less than a year old.  My father was a revered guest in our home when he wasn't working three jobs to make ends meet.  I always wanted to be him when I grew up.

I grew up watching strong women get things done.  I grew old doing the same thing.  That was empowering and sad at the same time. 

I learned to be passive aggressive because women are supposed to be kind and sweet.  There is nothing scarier than a seething smiler.

I learned to throw fits because it gets attention.

I learned to use words as weapons because they were my strongest defence.

I thought calm, straight forward and rational was for men!  Or at least the men I saw and admired.

It's hard to change the child within, but I have spent years trying to do just that. 

I have learned that men have their own demons to conquer.  Neither sex was really taught many great coping skills.  I guess those are what we choose to learn later on.

I'm getting close to the end now.  If I don't get it right soon, there will be little point in it, but I'm doing much better.

I may not be a sweet little old lady, but I will be the best I can be.