"Have no part of that which does not please you." by John MacEnulty

I am a dyed in the wool writer. It is my best form of communication.

I don't like to bargain, or barter. I don't like to discuss money. I despise conflict and I have always done my best to avoid all of these things when I can. Should any one of them become the center of my life, I am ready, willing and able to check out. I do have a strong sense of what is tolerable and what is not and even though I might hesitate, I will eventually act to change the intolerable, but it won't be easy for me.

Lately I have found myself dealing with things I would have avoided like the plague in the past. Simply because I have to. I really believe that line in the "Love Prayers" that says, "Have no part of that which does not please you. Clothe your thoughts in beauty that you will love them." If I can't love my own thoughts, how can I love anything else, because they are the filter through which all else flows. Therefore it follows that I must make adjustments in my life if I am going to frame it with these words.

I won't lie. Moving from my son's to my sister's, to my daughter's to a hotel before settling here was not easy and doing it in a three month period was pretty dramatic. Add a dog and a limited amount of money to that and it was down right scary sometimes. I found myself doing things I have avoided all my life in order to get where I am today. Talking to landlords and apartment managers, jumping through hoops to get the volunteer jobs I needed, even getting the blood tests and tb tests that were required, I just did it. It meant talking to people in person, overcoming my fear of needles, and selling myself to people who were likely to reject me.

I just went out and did what I have always told my children, or friends, or family to do -- and by golly it works! I understand how difficult this is, now that I've done it myself, but I probably did it the same way other people have done it before me. Out of necessity! Almost in a trance like state sometimes, putting one foot in front of the other and going from step one to step two, I made it this far.

Looking back I can say that it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be, but that might be because I was so terrified that I couldn't think about it too much. It was one of those things that just had to happen, like getting a polio shot when I was eight and had no say in the matter. Sometimes life asks us to do the impossible and everything changes, because it turns out not to be impossible at all.

I managed to step out of my comfort zone and talk and barter and put my foot down, separating myself from the things that did not "please" me and that gave me the freedom to surround myself with things I believe in very strongly and love and find extraordinarily satisfying.

I am simply a woman with thoughts and dreams and ideas about how I want my life to be, if I can do this, so can you. It just takes time and perseverance. Lots of perseverance!