I Am So Tired

Sometimes I feel like a large goldfish, maybe a Koi on better days, living in a giant fish bowl. I observe the world with my fish eye’s view, but don’t participate much anymore.

The beauty of it is the diversity of this world. I see people more clearly when we are not too close, but because they keep me on their desk, I get to see them closer than I might otherwise.

In a normal world, what I see is often a reflection of me, or the way people react to who I am and what I am saying, or doing. Here, in my not so normal world, I get a better taste of who they are, or think they are, or want to be. The fun comes in deciding which of these it is.

They are often much better than they think they are in real life. I am noticing that most people, like the three year olds who filled my classes so many years ago, want to be good. They have a deep down goodness built right into them and given half a chance, many allow it to escape out into their world to make things a little better for the rest of us. It’s one of the reasons I find myself so in love with them. I also notice many other things, but those are fodder for other thots.

I have given up trying to be cool and sophisticated. I don’t need to wear anyone else’s persona, or impress you. I’m not good at that and besides, you are probably already more impressed than I think and less concerned than I might hope, with who I am. If I try to impress you at all, I want it to be with my earnestness and love.