One of the great gifts of living alone is a chance to discover my own absolute self worth.
There is no one here to blame anything on and no one to blame anything on me. The world simply is. I get all the credit and all the blame right now. For the first time in my life I truly answer only to myself.
It took a while to understand this whole concept. I went from being dependent on my parents, to being dependent on my husband. Then I put myself into an adoring relationship for a few years where the dependency was self perpetuated.
The first big step into freedom is scary. It is sort of like growing up all over again. There is a slight rebellious phase where a little acting out and experimenting is necessary and then there is the long road to the truth.
Every day I learn a little more about who I am and who I am not and the miraculous thing is that I am learning either one is simply information. Not good, not bad, just data that when combined and plugged into this brain of mine, compiles this creature called me.
I really am the captain of my own ship and that is sort of exhilarating. No one rings the matins bell, no one wields the cat-o-nine tails. No one makes me eat lima beans, or cooks my dinner. If I want to eat, I must prepare the table before me myself. If I have a problem, it is up to me to find a solution, but I don’t have to worry that I will be graded on my decision.
I can ask for advice, or I can simply choose not to tell anyone what is going on and deal with it myself. Wow, a lot of freedom, a lot of responsibility, but what an adventure it is turning out to be!
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