Dream Work

In dreams, I am the writer, director, producer, and all the characters. It can be no other way. It comes through my head and is carried by my brain waves to my consciousness. I am a very vivid dreamer.

Last night’s nightmare left its marks on me and I have been uncomfortable enough all day long to keep thinking about it. Finally coming to the conclusion that my “Great Mother”(sometimes the nurturer, sometimes an inner critic,) grabbed up both my “Divine Child,”(my real or innocent self,) and my “Shadow self,” (the part of me I don’t want the world to see,) like babies, which seems to indicate she does care for them. Then she proceeded to drop the Divine Child out the window into the moonlit yard and the Shadow self downstairs, out of sight. The fact that they died was not necessarily her intention, only the result of her intense frustration.

How can something I day dreamed about at three, four and five feel so terrible that it grows into my Shadow self? It can and it did. Children are who they are. Most people don’t talk to young children about what they are thinking. At least no one did with me. They are simply forced to conform to the standards of the world they live in. How and what this is can depend a lot on who the parent is and what that parent believes.

So what do I do? There are no easy answers. I am trying to accept myself for who I am, but right now, my unconscious motives and my conscious intentions are evidently warring with each other, wreaking havoc with my dream life and spilling over into the rest of my life.