Doubts

I wanted to write of Pumpkin, the cat, calling me from everywhere. How I heard her voice all around me and it took me until 3AM to figure out she was in the garage and basement that surrounds one side of my house! A funny mystery, a light hearted thot.

Then I watched a movie, “Doubt.” Odd how some things are never really put to rest. Faces float before my eyes. Two different faces with smiling eyes and caring ways. Two different faces that dedicated their lives to the children in their care., one in education, the other in a church. Faces who did so much good for so long. Faces who were both colleagues and friends of mine.

I listened to the fingers pointing at them. Watched the rocks being thrown by people I knew were only joining in the frenzy of the moment, and I stood up with both of them. Determined not to turn my face away from theirs on the basis of a witch hunt.

Rules were changing. I could no longer hug one of my three year olds without another teacher present, no longer allow a child to sit in my lap without placing both hands on my knees. We were all worried. The age of innocence was sorely challenged.

One put a twenty two in his mouth and he died a few days later. The other took his family far away, and to this day the doubts remain. I knew them, but did I? I want to think I did, but the facts turned out to be pretty damning. It’s the doubts that haunt me.

Freedom. Tonight is a night celebrating independence and freedom, but life is never quite as black and white as I might want it to be.