Taboos

It is amazing how consumed by guilt a life can be. The very basics of personality, the ones that emerge by two or three years old can feel so wrong that that part stays under tabs for years, maybe forever. Yet, whatever it is comes with this being, is part and parcel of who I am.

Once I am able to step away and look at myself without fear of being judged by others, interesting things begin to emerge unhindered from a psyche raised to feel shame for every little thing that makes me different from you. If validation is necessary, the very fact that taboos vary greatly from one place to another and one time to another, should be enough to expand the quorum.

I am not talking about murder, or stealing, or hurting people. I am talking about personal preferences, things like loving lasagna, or hating rice, and so much more. The only thing that makes many of them hurtful is the way the people around us react to them. The more obvious ones might be the color of my friend's skin, or her nationality, or the clothing I choose, or the body art I decorate myself with. A million more come to mind, the deeper I go the more unique they become.

Shame is a horrible punishment. Once it has a grip, it is almost impossible to shake off. Without it an awful lot of psychiatrists and counselors would be out of jobs. Yet, I hear people re-validating it all the time. Sometimes with words, but usually with actions that are so much more painful. A sneer, a snub, any of a hundred ways people use to express their disapproval can be so damaging. I cannot believe the ones who do it, believe it is right, but they do. Fear of people hurting our loved ones makes us try to bring them up to fit the norm in as many ways as possible.

Wouldn't it be nice, if the norm reached out and embraced a wider variety of us?