The Opera Singer's Voice

How good do I feel? Given a moment to moment change, that is a difficult question to answer, but I am learning more about myself everyday and that says a lot, because there are a lot of days in my life. I have a list of priorities that are a pretty good indicator for someone who needs to be told how she is.

High on my list is always my writing, which is both a cathartic and creative outlet. My writing really tells you where I am, although My Thots is only a small part of what I write.

Next is what I am reading. I love to read, but I consider it an extremely personal thing. I read everything from the current best sellers to children's books. Sometimes I only read my own writing. Other times I only read another particular person's writing, so what I am reading is probably a good indicator of where I am at in any given moment.

Third on the list is probably whatever it is I am vocalizing, which includes talking, singing, and playing a musical instrument. This usually comes at the highest of the highs and some of the lower lows. When I am feeling really good and really free I am likely to break out in my "opera singer's" voice. When I am so down I am barely functioning, the piano or Native American Flute become my voice, which is not to say I only play them when I am depressed. I don't. I play all the time. In fact, I sing most of the time, it is just a fun way to communicate with Lennon. I have a very good ear. Unfortunately, I have only a so-so voice.

By the time I get down to how I look, or feel about how I look, I have to be in a pretty good place. My experience with how I look has been shattered so many times by so many people that I tend to keep it safe behind a large wall of indifference. If I find myself starting to care about improving some part of me I have finally realized it is the harbinger of feeling very good. Looking good has become a game for me. It is like a little girl playing dress up. I don't play unless I am happy.

So, when I find myself customizing things on the computer, or painting, or sewing, or whitening my teeth, or trying different skin products my niece gave me a year or two ago -- I know I am in a pretty great place.