Emptiness

 

I have everything I need now, a job, an apartment, enough money for essentials, but there is still an emptiness here.

I cannot think of one thing I need to buy, or even want to buy.

What I want cannot be bought, but it would be nice if I could at least define it.

I dream of the unattainable. 

I ache for something that I have always yearned for, for as long as I can remember.

This emptiness sits in the middle of my being waiting, even expecting, to be filled.

I know somewhere in time it was a whole part of me, but not in this lifetime.

As a small child I thought it would come when I became an adult. I thought it was a grown up thing, but it did not come.

Sometimes I see a presence, like a shadowy memory of someone who once filled that place, in my dreams.

I remember a touch, a look, a smile and yet none of these are clear enough to really remember. They are just ephemeral glances at something that is not there.