A step closer

 

Why do I always want more? Not money, I know that if I want it badly enough, money is attainable. I could get a job, try to sell my hobbies, or do something, but money has never been my first priority.

My life has always centered around me. I am self-centered enough to realize that. I cannot function in a world where I am miserable. It is just not an option for me. Because of that I have had several jobs that only lasted a year or two before I had to quit and move on to something else. But I've had two jobs that made me smile almost everyday when I walked in the door and another one that was still pretty satisfying for me.

Today I rearranged my bedroom as soon as I got up. I just finished a new painting yesterday and I felt the need to be able to sit and just see it, along with the other paintings I hung in my bedroom. This is what I do. I rearrange my stuff when I can't change my life. It helps.

I create bits and pieces of what I desire, of what is important to me, of those things I wish I could manifest in real life. And this time, this painting, is a step closer than usual for me. Not only is it a subject and place close to my heart, but I had input from someone even closer to my heart. 

I'm not sure what exactly it is I want out of my life. I realize that my dreams and fantasies would probably not work for me in the real world. I am too much of a loner. I need so much solitude, but I do need friends and companions along the way and if the universe is willing to give me opportunities I will be a step closer to that joy that hangs ineffably around me whenever I allow myself to feel it.