It's the little things

I am convinced it is the little things that control the world, at least my world.

Yesterday was filled with frustrations. I got on the scale and tested my blood sugar, both were not even close to what I thought they'd be. My phone died right after it was charged. No one was answering their phone and when they did, instead of giving me a straight answer they all seemed to be trying to manipulate me into doing something complicated and unnecessary. One business called me back even though I did not leave a message and he gave me a simple answer. I took my phone to him and he fixed it, but I had to leave it there for two hours and during the time I missed several important things.

I found myself totally without energy and did not walk. I gave in to self pity and ordered a large gondola sandwich with dessert for dinner. I watched the only scary movie on Prime that looked interesting and I hadn't seen, then I had nightmares all night last night. Scary movies almost never give me nightmares, but this one honed in on one of my deepest fears. Being manipulated by people I love and therefore finding myself in terrifying and frustrating situations because of their ignorance.

I think wars begin, not because someone shoots the archduke of Serbia, that is only the excuse, but because someone insulted all the female heads of state in the world, and made fun of disabled people and laughed at all the wrong times. I don't think we explode into war.

I think we chip away at things until they make life unbearable and finally the frustration makes unthinkable things -- thinkable.