T'is the season

Twas the month before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature stopped shopping, especially myself.
The credit cards were laid by the computer with care
In hopes that the stuff would be cheaper on there.
The children were nestled all deep in their lists
Thinking of Yoda and Jedis and gifts
And Bearnard in his bear suit and I in my cap
Had just settled our brains for a Thanksgiving nap
When out in the road there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter.
I imagined a turkey so lively and quick
Trying to avoid being served with some dip.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the crest of the highway below,

Gave a lustre of midday to cars on the go,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But UPS and Fed Ex and mail trucks quite near,

With so many people and some of them sick,

I knew in a moment I should help old St. Nick..

More rapid than eagles the presents they came,

And I labeled and wrapped them and tagged them by name:

"Now, Grandpa! now, Grandma! now Auntie and Uncle!

Here, teacher! and, doctor who healed my carbuncle!

Hide them in closets! In boxes so tall!

Stash them away! stash them away! stash them away all!"

As gifts that before the Christmas lists fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up in the attic I hide quite a few

With some in the trunk and the neighbor's house too—

And then, in a twinkling, I hear on TV

The laughing and giggling of commercial glee.. 

Changing the channel, I turned down the sound,

My heart begins thumping with terror unbound. 

I learn of a Christmas toy I had not put

Or even considered that I had to look

Till I turned on the tube this fateful night

And my failure stands staring me right in plain sight!

But the beauty of Christmas that is started so early

Is that there's still time, so I cannot be surly.

I'll jump in the car and head for the mall

For last minute gifts to send to y'all. 

Cause I gotta broad face and a little round belly

That expanded from watching, way too much telly.

I'll fill all the stockings and not be a jerk

I'll wrap up more presents with bows that are pert.

And laugh when you read this, in spite of myself:

Cause Christmas allows me to feel like an elf!