Ghostly problems

I am a person who acts mostly on instinct.

Doing what feels, sounds, or looks, right, has always worked pretty well for me.

I grew up in a home where people spoke correctly so I never really had to learn the rules for grammar.  They ate dinner at a table with napkins and a full compliment of silverware so that was no problem. I was expected to talk politely and as knowledgeably as possible with whoever was around me.

These get me through most things in life. 

But -- they also make me unsure of myself sometimes.  I rely on "knowing" what to do by how I "feel, " so if I don't feel quite right I know something is wrong.

The problem with that is: I don't know if something is wrong with me, or the situation, or someone else and I find myself second guessing everything.

Self confidence comes less from simple success than successful problem solving, that feeling that I can take care of whatever is going on-- that I am competent on many levels.  For example: when I played piano I could memorize a piece of music with my hands, but not my mind.  I could memorize a poem, or tell a story, but I never knew when I sat down to play the piano, or oboe, if my hands would simply fail me at some point.  I have no confidence when it comes to performing on any sort of instrument.

At this point in my life I have learned to simply avoid possible problems, but that doesn't help when I have a niggling feeling something is wrong.  If I ask people I sound needy, or like I'm fishing for something.

So there are times in my life when I live with an unnecessary amount of stress over nothing --just because something doesn't feel quite right.  When it might just be. "an undigested bit of beef."