Mutual Love

I remember when my mother died. It was a devastating moment in my life. It felt like the end of the world. My mother was dead. My mother, the woman who gave me life, was no longer here. I dreamed that I saw her darting around corners, lost in old buildings, driving the car that just passed me, it was all I could do to really believe it was even possible for her to no longer exist.

As the days passed and I was surrounded by an ever growing group of relatives and friends and townspeople that converge on those in mourning, especially in small towns, I was overwhelmed by their kindness. Each one wanted to share something about my mother, but the last thing I wanted to do was talk about her. First of all, I couldn’t do it with any grace, I always ended up in tears and that was so embarrassing. But then there was also a tiny part of me that was angry. Angry that they knew a part of her I hadn’t, or that they thought what they had to share was half as important as what I already knew. After all, she was my mother!

At the visitation and funeral, it was even more difficult. There was no room to move, or find any peace, or even any places to sit. I finally gathered my children up around me, one on each knee, the other next to me and found a chair to just sit on. And it was in that place I learned something I will never forget.

So many people there were also in deep mourning. They had also lost a mother, a grandmother, an only sister, a beloved aunt, or a best friend and each one of them was experiencing the same overwhelming loss I was to some degree. Each one felt like that funeral was there for them to say their final goodbye and it was just as hard for them as it was for me.

I began to wonder why it is that we want to own those we love, keep them to ourselves and I had no answer. I used to be a very jealous person and I know now that this comes from insecurity, from some sort of belief that there isn’t enough love to go around. I finally realized that this is true if everyone believes it, but what if we don’t?

What if everyone begins to understand that a love shared, truly shared, is multiplied a thousand times over?

When I began listening to all those people’s stories about my mother and sharing my own, the pain began to fade and new connections started to grow in every direction. I didn’t learn it all at once, but little by little I have continued to understand more and more.

There is nothing like mutual love to unite people. Two people who both love another person and know it, are the luckiest people in the world. They share something very special, something many people never get to experience.