My Thots

This is one of those days when everything feels kind of pointless.

I would like to believe that the real world is all strawberries and cream, that if I just do the right things and act the right way, all will be right. Meaning it will be the way I want it to be.

Not going to happen. I can tell you this right now.

The world is a crazy, insane place where nothing lasts, or makes sense for as long as I want it to. People get hurt. People get sick. People change. People turn their heads and it turns out they have mouths on both sides. The light is filled with shadows and the shadows sometimes wear familiar faces just to gain my confidence. That makes everyone suspect and who can live with that?

On the up side. None of this is new. My earliest memories bear this out, and that either makes me the most insane, eternal optimist, or simply a fool, because I always hope it will change.

I change.

I am constantly re-thinking, trying to make sense out of senseless things, trying to find the light, or the lesson in the dark, but it doesn’t always happen. I tell myself the lesson is there, I just haven’t gotten far enough along to recognize it. I sure hope this is true.

I have even learned to forgive. That was the most difficult lesson of all, but probably the most useful. Not forgiving is just slow suicide, a long miserable way to continue suffering, and who needs that?

Anyway, everyone has a bad day now and then. Most people don’t write about them and I probably shouldn’t either, but the truth is -- these are my thots.