Feelings

I don't need fancy things and lots of money to be happy. If there is one thing I have learned from life, it is that very wealthy people with all the toys in the world can be hungry.

A hole in the gut cannot be filled with silver and gold, or fancy cars, or swimming pools. It doesn't stop aching when it eats lobster bisque, or crème Brulée. No amount of clothing, in any shade, or style, can fix a broken heart.

There are no guarantees either. I remember when I was married, living in a big house, with the largest private pool in town and three beautiful children. I was miserable. I also remember later, living at other people's houses because I did not have a place of my own at the time and I was pretty content.

Happiness seems to be a state of mind that comes from somewhere inside of me. I am learning I have limitations. I might be one of those rare people who needs to live alone because I am not fit company for round the clock living, but it doesn't mean I don't need people at all.

I heard a song that reminded me of the first year I was married. I was young and happy, only twenty years old, and in love. I was happier then, then I was in that house with the big pool. The song made me homesick for the feelings, but not the person.

I need the feelings, they are what fills me up and stops the aching. Feelings are what make me smile, or sigh with content.

Without them, everything else feels superfluous.