THE RULES!

Growing up.

A misleading and over simplified term indicating that there is some point where I will be "up." It starts when parents get a book on how to care for their newborn children that says, "Guidelines" which most of them take to mean, THE RULES. If it is in a book, especially a book that fits in with my own expectations, then it must be like the Ten Commandments, right? I actually hung a thermometer on my first baby's crib to be sure the temperature stayed at seventy degrees!

At some point we go to school, or preschool, or daycare and then there are more rules for how to feel and act and interact, and while everyone says this is just to get an idea if there are any problems, beware. We are so afraid we won't measure up that now people are seeking relief in labels like autistic and hyperactive and learning disordered. A child who is slightly out of step is a threat to busy parents' egos and fears and confusion. Better to be the parent of a child with problems. Then we might look noble and self-sacrificing.

Of course none of this is done intentionally. We love our children, but with all the media telling us about Baby Grace who spoke Classical Greek and did calculus at three, there is tremendous pressure to have our child be a super child too. Like my son said the other day, when Lennon began rattling off facts and figures about his superhero dolls. "I feel kind of bad, now that I introduced him to superheroes, maybe I should have picked presidents or something like that."

When I was a preschool teacher, I had a marvelous little boy who was reading and drawing pictures of Japan in the Pacific ocean at three. His parents asked what we thought he should get for Christmas and we suggested a tricycle. This little guy was a wreck when he had to change rooms for playtime, or sat next to another child instead of an adult. He simply didn't know how to react.

He was not behavior disordered. He just needed experiences and time. Some of us need more of these than others and if the process of growing up is complicated with feelings of inferiority, or pressure to go beyond where we are, life is unnecessarily hard. All of my children are now successful adults, but I see them continuing to grow every time I speak with them, or see them.

God bless the people who want to keep learning and growing. Up isn't a destination. It's the Light at the end of the tunnel. If I start throwing out the extraneous stuff before I even know what it is, there might be a gold mine buried in the slag pile.