Groundhog Night

Last night I had a nightmare within a nightmare. It was really confusing and frightening, kind of like Groundhog day in real life, only there was nothing funny about it.

I wonder if that is what it is like to be insane? Like a living nightmare where it is impossible to tell reality from imagination. In my dream I thought I woke up calling for my mother when Chauncey jumped off the bed only to discover he was still in bed with me and I was still calling for my mother. Later when I really did wake up it was the same way, only for a while I still thought I was somewhere else and I still called for my mother, wondering why she didn't come. I think I only dreamed the calling out, because the dogs upstairs were not barking and Chauncey was sound asleep.

I must have still been very groggy too, because then I was afraid my mother would come anyway, even though she passed away in 1986, and I was too afraid to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I have never been afraid of my mother in dreams. I often dream of her when I don't feel well and many of those times I have realized she couldn't be there because she was already dead. Usually I ask her how this can be and she always assures me that everything is ok. And I believe her.

Not this time, though. I turned on the light, turned on my fan, and made Chauncey cuddle up and sleep close to me. I woke up late this morning. The light was off, the fan was on and Chauncey was right there.

I hope I don't have any more dreams tonight. I think that perhaps I am just over tired from trying to keep this schedule for the dogs. Bobby and Barbie just now got home.