Excuses

 

How many people do you know who always have excuses for not doing something?

I'm not saying they should be doing anything.

I'm thinking of the people who feel they need to have a reason for why they won't.

A long time ago someone told me to never give an excuse for not doing something. It only gives the asker something to counter with. If they can solve your dilemma you will feel required to agree to their demands.

I have tried to live by that knowledge ever since, but I know people who almost cannot function if they don't have a reason not to do something. They are the people pleasers. The ones whose self image requires them to make everybody happy. (Which of course, no one ever does, especially people pleasers.)

One woman relied on her jobs for excuses so much that when she retired, she nearly had a nervous breakdown until she got a dog. Then that dog became her excuse. He needed to go to grooming. He needed to be walked. He barked. His food disagreed with him. Whatever. No one was fooled.

She still complained about all the things people asked her to do, but now she had her dog to make her feel like a willing martyr.

It isn't unkind to simply say, "No. I'm sorry." Or, even simply, "No." If someone pushes you beyond that you have the right tell them the truth if you choose to. These people are not your real friends anyway.

Sometimes it is even kinder to just be honest up front and not leave people believing you really want to do something you have absolutely no desire to do. Don't lead them on.

They will get over it and if they don't? There may be one less person asking for favors. (But don't count on it.)