Not all who wander are aimless

 

Tolkien said this. I must have read it years ago, but it didn't really hit me until tonight. Growing up a child of the fifties my goals were set for me. I wanted to grow up to be like my mother, my aunts, my grandmothers and all their friends. I wanted to be a wife and mother. But I was also like my father, curious and idealistic.

I became a wife and mother! I loved being that. It was and still is one of the most important parts of my life. Even though it was only the beginning of who I was to be, I took it very seriously, trying to see what the point of parenthood really meant.

To me it meant raising a human being to find its potential. Teaching someone not only how to survive in this world, but to thrive. Giving my children all the knowledge and skills I knew how to give them. Then stepping back and giving them the freedom to go and BE!

When they left. I left. I left a life of extremes; the joy of being a mother and the agony of being a wife to a man who did not share my ideals, or goals, or even dreams. We only shared concrete things like houses and food.

After my divorce I discovered a million new things. I experimented with all kinds of ideas. I moved from the city to the farm, to a bigger city, to a series of generic places I  called an apartment. Home really was where my heart was.

I met people I had only dreamed about, doing things I had always dreamed about and I began to find myself. I wasn't afraid to try new things. I took flute lessons and played a recital. I birthed a drum and learned to meditate in its vibrations. I took part in a Wicca wedding and gazed into the red hot rocks of a sweat lodge. I traveled all over the country. Alone. I transcribed the words of a famous author and edited books for another. I even allowed my inner child to try out its fantasies with more joy than I had dared to dream.

I have moved 29  times in my life and each move brought me closer to the woman I am. I am not ashamed to say I like me. I am far from perfect, but that is why I am interesting. I am constantly learning new things and learning makes me feel joyful. Who could aim for more than that?